in the motherhood

Things I’ve done so far that I never thought I’d do:

• get peed on at 11p.m. and realize there is nothing to do but laugh
• right after getting peed on, experience my first blow out diaper. again, nothing to do but laugh
• learn to function on 2 hours of sleep or less for multiple days in a row
• be thrilled at the sight of 2oz of milk that was just pumped out of me
• embrace feeling a little bit like a cow who gets milked every 3 hours
• learn how to send dangerous glares at strangers who even appear to look interested in coming to peer into my carseat and breathe on my baby
• learn now to insert a screaming baby into a carseat and get the carseat into the car. this requires much patience and lots of sweat.
• learn how to use a baby sling
• actually looking forward to a good night of marathon TV on Nick at Night
• bond with my husband over endless seasons of The Office and learning to laugh until you cry at 3 a.m. when the baby still hasn’t fallen asleep
• realize that it really is true that you don’t mind changing diapers when it’s YOUR baby. most of the time.
• learn how to send withering looks to neighbors who dare to look at me twice when I’m outside in my nightgown, with my hair a hot mess, pacing up and down the sidewalk with my baby in a sling, praying for her to go to sleep
• realize that I haven’t been outside in 2 or 3 days
• try for 3 days straight just to leave the house to go to the post office
• learn how to mostly function in a constant haze of exhaustion
• try to fall asleep with the hairdryer blowing because the noise keeps the baby asleep … but not being able to fall asleep because you keep worrying the hairdryer is going to catch on fire.

And most importantly:

I’ve learned what it means when people say they have never loved someone as much as they do their child. I want to feel her pain for her. I want her childhood to be full of fun, learning and all things magical and fantastic … because it is true, she only gets ONE childhood.

I want to remember these days when she is small enough to fit in a sling around my neck and her hands and feet are still so impossibly tiny.

I never knew this would be so hard. I never knew I could cry so much. But I know without a doubt that it’s all worth it.